New member here

[ollieholmes]

Hey,
Im always bad at writing a welcome post but here goes. First things first a short bit about myself. My names Oliver (i do anser to Ollie) and i live in Bedfordshire, England.

I guess i should explain why i came to this website. I have recantly started dating a lovely girl with spina bifida, we have been freinds for a while before but just before christmas we decided to take it a step further. I have tried my best to understand things and she has been completly honest about things to me which has been a great help but i am still interested to learn more to be able to understand better. I myself have a learning difficulty which makes things doubly interesting (if anyone is interested i have Asperger syndrome). I consider myself lucky that my partner kristy has been very supportive towards me espesialy as i am proberably one of the worst people to explain it. I myself have never realy had someone explain it to me which makes it rather hard to explain to others.

Things are going great at the moment, i have even started to share one of my major passions with her. (aircraft) Although i had not realised quiet how hard it is to push a wheelchair across a grass field with a few ruts thrown in for good measure. Sadly one of my other big interests, camping is a bit more of a challenge espesialy as she is totaly wheelchair bound (lesion is at T6 if i remember correctly) and needs regular acsess to a proper toilet which is rather lacking when we go camping,

The big problem we are both having at the moment is her mother is just being openly hostile towards me. She doesnt like me in the house so we have to use hotels which is expensive and i only work part time which makes it hard as i will not let her pay. She works full time herself and drives which is great as i do not yet drive. The problem is we live 2 hours apart and she wants to come up to see me again but her mum wont allow her to drive up here as most of the way is motor way. I can total understand her mum beign cautious, she has had trouble with males in the past but there is a difference between being cautious and being nasty. She has said that im to geeky for her, one of the biggest traits of Aspergers is an unhealthy liking for a subject (or obsession but i dont like calling it that) and my interest just happens to be in aeroplanes. Im a bit confused, do i tell her about my learning difficulty or not? Im scared how she will react if i do choose to tell her. I dont want to loose her as a girlfreind as finding someone that undestands is a rare thing for me. Please someone throw some light on this for me even if it is just to tell me not to worry, im just lost. I do think we are lukcy in that her dad is asoloutly fine about me and more than happy for her to come and see me etc. Id love for her to come up here and meet my mum some time but at the moment its not going to happen. The one time she came here my mum was out and we had some fun. (I live in a mid victorian semi detached house with extensions built on it so there are a few steps to negotiate and a rather narrow passage to the bathroom)

Im going to stop typing as i should go to bed now. I will be interested to see what people reply.

[Spokie]

Hi Ollie!

Welcome to the site - you'll find all the info on SB you'll ever need right here!

Her mom? Sounds typical - She's been looking after her special baby for so long now: no-one will be good enough in her eyes. Ever noticed how over-protective a dad is when his little girl goes out on a date? Multiply that by infinity and you'll have a rough idea of what you're up against!

Don't take it too personally - things will change with time.

Anybody else out there that had to go through the same? Please help!

[ollieholmes]

I do hope things change over time, im sure they will do.

[Dodger67]

Hi Ollie
Welcome! Please tell your girlfriend about us, we would love to welcome her too.
Overprotective parents are a major issue many of us struggle with. How old are you and your gf?

From what you tell it seems like she is financially stable or even independent. That makes life a lot easier!

If you'd like to discuss "adult issues" you are welcome to use the adult section which is visible only to registered members.

Camping is almost impossible unless you have adequate facilities - perhaps you could investigate using a camper van which has a bathroom? Though hiring one can get a bit expensive!

Do let her contribute to the dating expences. Doing so gives one a feeling of self worth which is often a big issue for disabled adults.

A tip for travelling over rough ground or grass, balance the chair on its back wheels. The small front wheels cause the trouble.

I'm also a bit of a "nut" about airplanes - my father was and my brother is a pilot.

[angel]

[QUOTE=Dodger67;1510]Hi Ollie
Welcome! Please tell your girlfriend about us, we would love to welcome her too.
Overprotective parents are a major issue many of us struggle with. How old are you and your gf?

You took the words right out of my mouth dodger. No offense to any of the parents in this forum but parents a lot of times are the biggest issue one with spina bifida faces. I can understand feeling over protective but i can't understand controling ones life espically if they are adults. I am curious to how old are you and your girlfriend?

[stub20]

I totally agree. up until i was around 17 or 18 my parents were way too protective with me, and I didnt even get it as bad being the guy as well. A lot of the time, my restrictions of me getting on with my life as i got older were them,, even though when i was younger they wqere great.

[stub20]

Oh, and about telling her about your Asperger's, I would tell her if I were you, she should be totally understanding about it. It helps alot the fact that you have been totally understanding with her aswell, so you know, just go for it, you dont need to hide it.

[ollieholmes]

Hi Ollie
Welcome! Please tell your girlfriend about us, we would love to welcome her too.
Overprotective parents are a major issue many of us struggle with. How old are you and your gf?

From what you tell it seems like she is financially stable or even independent. That makes life a lot easier!

If you'd like to discuss "adult issues" you are welcome to use the adult section which is visible only to registered members.

Camping is almost impossible unless you have adequate facilities - perhaps you could investigate using a camper van which has a bathroom? Though hiring one can get a bit expensive!

Do let her contribute to the dating expences. Doing so gives one a feeling of self worth which is often a big issue for disabled adults.

A tip for travelling over rough ground or grass, balance the chair on its back wheels. The small front wheels cause the trouble.

I'm also a bit of a "nut" about airplanes - my father was and my brother is a pilot.

We are both 21. There is only about a month between our birthdays :clap2:

I do let her contribute towards things but i pay for my own travel. Generaly we split the other costs between us and that works fine for us both.

Re Camping,
We do have a little site we use not far from me that is reasonably flat and has a proper loo so i am thinking of taking her there although im going to have to get a proper pat to sleep on rather than a thin piece of foam. I also need a bigger tent as my currant tent is a bit small with just me in it let alone Kristy. There also is no porch to put her chair in to keep it dry.

Re flying
I took her to a local airshow at the beginning of this month and introduced her to a good freind of mine who is a highly experianced pilot. One of his first questions was 'Have you ever flown in one of these machines?' We decided that trying to get her in and out of WWII vintage warbirds where a bit of a no go so he offerd her a trip in his helicopter. We have that to look forward to now, and its alot easier to get in and out of as there is not anything in the way.

[ollieholmes]

Oh, and about telling her about your Asperger's, I would tell her if I were you, she should be totally understanding about it. It helps alot the fact that you have been totally understanding with her aswell, so you know, just go for it, you dont need to hide it.

I will try next time. Has anyone else been in this situation? I would be interested to hear how others have coped. The problem before when i have tried is she does not whant to listen to me.

[Dodger67]

My girlfriend suffers from bipolar disorder. Its not fun at all when she goes on a down cycle!

[Barb]

You took the words right out of my mouth dodger. No offense to any of the parents in this forum but parents a lot of times are the biggest issue one with spina bifida faces. I can understand feeling over protective but i can't understand controling ones life espically if they are adults. I am curious to how old are you and your girlfriend?
No offense taken here. I know I am an overbearing protective mamabear. C is 10 and I am trying to take baby steps away but it is soooo hard.

Welcome Ollie!

[angel]

I understand barb and i have to force myself not to be the same way. It is really hard but i know what the end result will be if i don't just let him be and grow up like everyone else. Mine is 11 and i am having to back off in new ways every day. Now with this kid picking on him i am trying to protect him without making him look like a moma's boy. You know what kids do to moma's boys they give them HELL!!!! and usually those are the ones they beat up. This is whole new territory for me and i find myself a nervous wreck most of the time right now.
The fact that you are trying to let him grow up is good and you deserve credit for that. A lot of people with SB never get the chance because the parents just refuse to see them as anything but their sick little babies.

Angel

[badback101]

Lol mine is 11 and C is 10 reminds me of sitting in one hospital or another with my mother waiting hours for our apt to come up ( we get there on time but still had to wait) and all those hours there would be my mom talking about me and my condiction to strangers with there kids there same clinic maybe same prob and maybe my mom was comparing note or what not but for some reason it always imbaressed me but I guess thats what mothers are for lol
Hi I'm jason 30 and still walking funny ;)

Oh ps I thank and very much love my mother for always sitting hours and hours to get me taken care of and to all you other mothers out there stay strong cause
that Strenth and surport lends your child more spirit then you might ever think