telling stories

[Carmel79]

I am suppoting someone with Spina bifida who likes to tell stories about himself or family that are untrue. I have been told that it is part of his disability but other have said that it isn't would like to know what other people think or if there is another underlying issue here.

[LisaJoy]

That is totally bogus -- there is nothing about sb that makes a person lie. I suppose there are some mental disorders (not associated with sb) that could lend to this, but it could also just be a plain, old-fashioned, moral failing!

[Justy Me]

I am suppoting someone with Spina bifida who likes to tell stories about himself or family that are untrue. I have been told that it is part of his disability but other have said that it isn't would like to know what other people think or if there is another underlying issue here.

The lying most likely can be attributed to low self-esteem but seeing as how everyone is different that may or may not be because of his having sb. A lot of people with sb don't lie. I have heard that, too, which is funny because someone else I know who happens to also have sb has told a lie about me being suicidal and that was the given reason ( "oh she has sb it may be a developmental issue")...hello, I have sb and I don't do that! I used to here & there as a child but when you're growing up and want to fit in that happens. As an adult I've learned that it isn't necessary to get people to care/ impress them, as they're opinions don't dictate how I should live my life. Long story short, no sb doesn't make you lie.

[dahliafaolan]

I've never seen there being anything of SB contributing to lying. I've known several people with SB with a propensity towards exaggeration, but not lying.

[jveprek]

I had some kiddos doing this when I was teaching, but it was more because of home life and some things going on in their lives. I read something about why it happens, but now don't remember it.... sorry :(. I think it was something to do with attention seeking.....

[sean]

Specifically with SB, NO!, BUT...from experience!
I was a horrible story teller and liar as a kid, it had a great deal to do with my SB.
I was traumatised by the mixed messages of what I was feeling/experiencing within myself,(quite normal) and the "yes" there is something "wrong" with you but that makes you "special" and don't worry we will fix it for you with our nurturing hand of medicine. Then you experience the "cruel" to be "kind" of "medicine" as a kid, and when the "miracle" lifts you for a bogus "moment" the only way is "down", until the merry go round starts again, to find that up, attention.
Then there is family and peers who support your/my no/yes there is something wrong with me really but it's so special you mustn't talk about it, only a chosen 1-3 if you need to. All well and good to have mother and doctor, maybe a sibling, but the message has always been, and you must keep it from as many people as possible, as you join in in society.
Our nurturers throwing us to the wolves is what I think of it.

I was "alone"............I had no alternative but to create and lie my way into sociability. I had no words of acceptability, no voice of truth or honesty. I learnt fast, moved fast, there was no way anyone was going to get close or get to know me, in reality.
My SB in a world of no SB was expected to be hidden and ignored as much possible. Yet the greater expectation of peers and society was/is to suck it up and get out there, which I did to the best of my abilities. Of course never up to scratch.
Hello....I have a stinking leaking urostomy bag and poop threatening to fall out any tick that I'm (child/teen) trying to hide , every minute of every day. As I 'act' as expected.

Of course it is attention seeking! these kids are suffering and alone!

[jellolegs23]

Many people lie for various reasons. Whether its to gain attention, get out of trouble, increase self esteem, or some people with Hydrocephalus can accidentally mix up details and information without realizing it. It has to do with processing information as a story unfolds and putting it back in order to tell the story again.

I am not sure if this person has Hydrocephalus or not and if this person does there really isn't a way to really know for sure if they are lying because of a disability or doing it on purpose.

[sean]

Gee pinched a nerve with me, and I'm feeling for these kids.
Nobody wants to feel the need to lie or exaggerate.
We are not born liars, it is a learnt behaviour out of desperate fear and ignorance.
We are all arrogant liars as we are ignorant. (yes we are all ignorant, we can't know it all, if anything).

As it was for me, may I suggest these kids are disolusioned by the BS of their nurturer's world of untruthes and deceit. These kids have learnt not to trust truth through being told something and experiencing the opposite over and over.
May I suggest these kids have a better vision of the truth! than most, and are
particularly intelligent and creative. I look back and still feel/know I was smarter than most adults, teachers, doctors. Had they only been capable of hearing me...a kid...as if.

These lies and stories are to test the adults inability to tell the truth, how you handle it is what I/we want to test. Can you handle the truth! or do you continue to fluff around what is good and best and acceptably standard (lies) for you the carer, for the good of everyone.
I'd say these kids have no one who genuinely connects with them, they are winging it doing thier best at the time to be recognised as it was for me.

Now decades later, totally different person, I still sometimes think to myself Damn! I wish I had been even more outrageous, caused more trouble, shouted louder, you idiots!
All the people around me, parents, doctors, teachers, not a clue what I was dealing with on a social level nor interested, all too willing to practice healthy neglect.
Throw him to the wolves, that'll make him.......normal.

Sorry I want to rant it was so horrible being that kid, I didn't know it at the time, I just said what it took at the time, I loathed the true person I was, as expected.
The first thirtyish years of my life maintaining a hidden secret life, it was a life of untruthes, lies and denial. Never major or involving another always about me, still managed to maintain some moral/ethical fibre. It's all part of the lie, to not infect anyone with my truth, SB/incontinence.

[Noefnway]

Sounds like your friend is in denial.When we come up short of perceived expectations,it is easy to verbally gloss over reality with non -verifiable ''facts'' that are not true.This is not An SB Problem but a simple escape from the truth that does n't enhance the human experience but provides superficial explanations for a sub-par existence.

Patrick

[Gymp]

From my experience EVERYBODY lies at one time or another,SB or not we're all HUMAN.It's usually done to protect themselves or someone they care about.

In the not so long ago (I still occasionally do it) if I was in a predicament with my bowel (had a,or about to have an accident) I've told people I had colitis.
If I were to have said...I was born with SB and have a neurogenic bowel problem,I need the toilet,people look at you and funny and go HUH what's that? then you gotta explain further,wasting time...If you say Hey man I've got colitis I need the toilet,they go Ahhhh...toilet's right over there.It's just soooo much easier and people understand much quicker that you need to get in the can NOW.

Gymp

[sean]

Yes, I have used "bowel cancer", that switches people off in a nano second no need for any further explanation, they're satisfied I'm ignored....too easy.
Just for the general public and acquaintances, people I am not going to know.
Denial for survival, your not aware of it as a kid, shame we weren't bowel cancer aware back in the 60/70/80's. I quite likely would have claimed it for my public mishaps and excuses.

Fully aware now!!! I still keep the bowel cancer card up my sleeve. Very nearly had to use it recently sitting in the back of a taxi. Managed to slide a newspaper under me, concentrating on calm not breathing. Got out of the cab way before my destination, and the poop fell out as I got out...Phew!!!

Now! it's not denial or lieing it's just spinning the truth, lol, a survival tool for getting out of sticky situations, it's control.
Absolutely no need to tell 'stories' about myself as an adult, I think I had grown out of that by my late teens but untruth's/spin/lies, big part of my young adulthood.
didn't see the light until late 30's when I seem to have woken up/grew up.

excuse me:puke: