Just wondering....

[Justy Me]

Do disability jokes from people who don't have them bother any of you? I try not to be sensitive about it, and while I don't find myself crying over it, it does tend to highly annoy me. I saw an insensitive photo online and there was a joke about someone being "handicapped". It got to me a lil. It's irritating how I try not to step on anyone's toes and I keep most thoughts to myself so as to not hurt others' feelings but sometimes I feel like it doesn't pay to be too nice. Other people certainly aren't.:confused::arrgh::mad:

[eng188]

Lots of things bother me about my interactions with the able-bodied. Just today, there were two issues on my ADA paratransit ride home from Pittsburgh's CBD.

1) The driver suggested to me that he not collect my fare tickets. I was very annoyed, as I get by any act of charity. He explained it very vaguely, saying "It's been one of those days". That's not a joke against the disabled, but...

2) When he got me home, he very nicely asked if I needed the door held open for me. I declined his offer, noting that I was already at the door and he still at the van. He gave me props for it, but then called me an "independence freak".

I am not independent with everything. I am also not obsessed with it. First, I just want to take responsibility for my own life to the extent I can. Second, I can't stand it when the help given me is not what I need. I.e. someone walking next to me holding my crutch while I am trying to walk. Or when someone "stands up for me" without asking me first.

So, I'm no "independent freak" or any other type of freak. I am a person. A PERSON! Not an odd concept to me.

[Melz]

I guess it depends on the joke, but yeah I generally do get offended. I feel certain things just should not be said.

Not really a joke, but more of an experience:

I really hate when able bodied people say "do you need help with that?" all the time. Yeah they mean well, but sometimes it is just plain annoying. For example: Say I'm trying to move something out of my path (like a chair), I can easily do that. I may get a little out of breath and take a minute or two, but it gets done. It really offends me when someone just comes up and does it for me. It is like they are trying to take away the small amount of independence I actually have.. if that makes sense.

Something else happened the other day. I'm on a few different forums (not SB related) and someone sent me a private message. I'm not friends with this person - we are really just "aquaintances" on the same forum. In his PM he sends me links to info on artificial limbs with (what I thought were) ridiculous photos of robots or something.

I find that so offensve considering he doesn't even know what my disability is. All he knows is that I'm a wheelchair and assumes it was some sort of accident and some rehab and artificial limbs will be the "miracle cure".

One last little rant (sorry lol). The above point made me think of another one lol. I remember in high school I had a paraplympian that was in a grade above me. All of the teachers used to say "why can't you be more like Holly?" (in regards to sport/activties etc) without even thinking that our disabilities were different (I think she had clots on her spine). People just seem to think if you're in a wheelchair, you're the same as every other person in a wheelchair.

[Gymp]

WOW...I must come from a different age!Whatever became of "Random acts of kindness"...If I see a person be they him/her disabled or not,wheelchair,crutches or the elderly and I see them having what I think is a trying time,well,I ask them "Hey you need a hand with that"or even help without asking.I'll open the doors for people at malls and stores if their hands are full.To be honest,I wouldn't feel right to just walk by,that would be disrespectful of my fellow human being.Yes,people sometimes look at me strangely and say no,or look at me as though I'm trying to take advantage of them somehow but what about if they were really in some sort of distress and needed help,at least I was there to ask them and or help them.It works both ways,there have been times where I've needed some help and have been helped,sometimes I don't need help but hey,they were there and kind enough to ask...

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2wr8_depeche-mode-people-are-people_extreme

Nope,jokes about disabled people or anything else don't bother me,and as offensive as some are they're only jokes.I've been laughed at but then again I've laughed at others.I grew up with a rough and tumble crowd where no holds were barred and have had some rather sick jokes played on me but have done the same to others in our crowd.We usually picked on what hurts each other the most.To this day when we have our get togethers the shenanigans still carry on but it's all in good fun.When my friends and I were teenagers my friends coined my nickname "The Gymp" and to this day I'm still sometimes called that but I sometimes refer to them by their old monikers as well.I've developed a rather thick skin over the years and words are only words.

My Mom once said a long time ago "if you can't laugh at yourself you shouldn't be laughing at others"and by gosh I've had to laugh at myself many,many times.

Gymp

[Dodger67]

I'm with Gymp on this "issue".
Lighten up folks!

I often deliberately make fun of political correctness - sometimes even with malice. The self-absorbed overinflated pompous "thought-police" need to be knocked down occasionally (regularly). :bluesbrothers:

[LisaJoy]

Justy Me -- I think people ask if you need help because disability activist communities teach "able bodieds" to show respect by asking first. So I bet they think they are donig the right thing.

I don't mind people opening doors for me, unless they hold it open expecting me to walk under their arm! That irritates me to no end. Guess we all have our prickly points. Of course, here in the South, it is still quite normal for men to open doors for women regardless of disability status.

[ollieholmes]

I dont mind the jokes within reason. Actualy at times we have been known to have a little laugh at each others disabilities. I think wed go mad otherwise. We both know we mean no harm by it.

[angel]

I am with gymp and dodger on this as well. I don't get offended because they are just jokes. I highly doubt anyone can out do my jokes about myself. My husband and I, man we are shamless and people often look at him like they are waiting for me to punch him but we are just having a good time.
Dodger I am with you, Political correctness really makes me want to gag. In the words of the dearly departed george carlin it seems these days people want to make believe things are different by giving them different names. I have been called just about everything you can imagine and you know what I am not ashamed, I don't feel like less, and if someone thinks they are going to hurt my feelings by using a non PC term they are wrong. Actually I would prefer they didn't use PC terms because some of them are just BS words in my opnion. Don't try to spare my feelings, I am comfortable with myself and don't like to be handled with kid gloves.
As far as people helping me i don't get in an uproar about that either. MOST people are just trying to be nice. It is the intention you have to look at because not everyone knows what to say. I know this because i am one of those people that sometimes just don't know what to say! I pick stuff up for people when i see they dropped something, i have opened doors for many many people without asking just because it is the polite thing to do and i got to the door first. I usually get funny looks like "you are opening the door for me? shouldn't that be the other way around?" If i see where i can do something for someone else i do. It is a habit.
I had an experience the other day that just made me giggle. I will share it and wait for the backlash I figure i will get. I was at the gas station waiting in line (in my truck) for the person in front of me to finish pumping his gas. I saw some guy looking at me then when i looked back over he was still looking at me. I could see it on his face, he had this vision that when i stepped out of the truck it was going to be one of those moments like in the National Lampoons Vacation movie where Christie Brinkley steps out of the car and is beautiful and all that. I thought to myself I CAN"T WAIT TO SEE HIS FACE WHEN I GET OUT OF THIS TRUCK! I knew he would be shocked. Well when i got out of the truck i disappeared because i am much shorter than my huge truck. I looked over and could see him he was looking everywhere like OMG SHE JUST VANISHED! I couldn't help but laugh it was SOOOO funny. When i finally came back into his view he was trying so hard NOT to look at me! It was funny you could see him struggling with the death of that mental Christie Brinkly picture in his mind.
Life is to short in my opnion to sweat the small stuff and if people think i can't do for myself then they are just wrong and that is not my problem. If people can't deal with thier own hang ups like the guy at the gas station, again, not my problem

Angel

[sean]

I cringe at a lot of jokes, racist, sexist and I hate jokes about incontinence. Of course I do I'm incontinent, I can't help but feel it on some personal level, but indeed we've got to lighten up.
I've worked out that incontinent jokes are generally not told to be malicious or oppressive or hurtfull, there's no agenda to point the finger at me.
Humour uses a lot of things to make it work, shock,sex,fear,surprise.
Ignorance is part of human nature, you just can't take other peoples ignorance personally, they don't know. If there's an opportunity to correct and educate, great.
Personally I can't applaud ignorance when I recognise it through my own level of ignorance, but it's easy enough to tollerate.
Living the city life of Sydney random acts of kindness are met with fear and suspicion, living in a semi-rural community, ignored opportunities to be kind are met with fear and suspicion, it's a beautiful thing.
Disabled folk are a minority, in the big social picture, I , being part of that community know not to patronise or take from the independence of an obviously disabled person. But if any person in my path looks in need even to open a door I just do it. It's all give and take, empathy.
Give by allowing people to give, their hearts are in the right place.
I like to see the P taken out on political correctness too, it really is mind numbing sometimes BUT!!! being a person who lives within minority groups I bless political correctness for allowing me a life.
No longer oppressed by neaderthal attitudes and labels.
Here's PC at work. Gymp, I didn't think it was possible, I thought Gymp was a shortening of greater name. I don't get it, it's like, four eyes or spazo or stinky or in my case pee or poo. Making fun of what hurts the most, the base of a lot of humour, really sucks.
It is thoughtless and immature, doesn't matter how thick your skin at some level you are agreeing and accepting you are a gymp with all the negativity associated with it.
Sorry this is all a bit personal, I'm pleased you have a real name.
I've been told I'm very thin skinned, a bit too sensitive.
I think I'm thick skinned for not putting up with thoughtlessness and ignorance when I recognise it. We've got to grow up and change for the better, for all.

[sean]

Sorry Gymp, out of line, I can't possibly know what a nik name may or may not do for a person. There's great affection associated with nik names, it's very personal, sorry.
Gymp, I have great respect for you regardless, you really have helped and inspired me to better my bag and dome management. My everyday is a little more comfortable and secure. You woke me up to accepting and expecting change. "Beyoudy Mate!!!" Thankyou.

[Gymp]

Naaaa...not out of line and no need to be sorry cause I agree with you.At the time my nickname was coined we were thoughtless and immature.It wasn't just me with a nickname we all had one there was Gumby,Swervin' Ervin,Sh*t fer Brain,Pizza Face,Link and we did have a Four Eyes.We all hung around with each other and we gave each other these names.If anyone outside the circle of friends had called us by our respective nicknames we would have been all over them.We stuck together like glue through thick and thin.Whenever one of us was in trouble we all stood up for each other no ands ifs or buts either.

Gumby ( he had no teeth ) who gave me my name,actually saved my life once.We were on an icy sloped corrugated metal roof two stories up,I lost my footing,went down and was fast sliding towards the edge with no way of stopping myself.He jumped off the non icy part of the roof he was on and snagged me with a crowbar and we both stopped only inches from the edge of the roof.Had I gone over the edge I'd have landed in a pile of old cement block,ice and steel rebar.He risked his life to save mine.

We all hung out as teenagers and to this day we remarkedly still all get together a few times a year only now we bring our wives and kids.We sit around reminisce days gone by,talk about what we're up to now and world current events.We do call each other by our real names now but occasionally our nicknames still arrise... ;^)

Gymp

[sean]

Thanks Gymp, thanks Gumby, it's really wonderful your all still in touch.
Well now I feel kind of privilaged to know you as Gymp.

[LisaJoy]

Gymp -- Dare I ask what you were doing on an icy corrugated metal roof in the first place?

Lisa

[Gymp]

Hi Lisa... Demolition,we were all about 16 yrs old and were hired on by a guy named Tex to tear down some old industrial buildings that he was contracted to do.He hired the group of us as we were.No hardhats,safety boots,or safety lines,we were his cheap labor.Were were removing the metal corrugated roof off a building called the lineshack.The place was a safety nightmare and if someone had called the proper authorities the job site would have been shut down immediately.We teenagers were just happy to have a job and too dumb to walk away.I've been scared of heights ever since.

Gymp

[dahliafaolan]

I know what you guys mean by nicknames that can be given in all affection but can seem painful or even mean to outsiders. When I was growing up, all my friends and I had strange nicknames. I was given the name Kali from a friend who was studying Hinduism and liked to make cracks about my temper. I also had a few friends with really strange nicknames like Grobeck, Noodles, Red, Reeyo, Freki, Fritz, Nishi, and Gamma.

[Barb]

There is really only one 'joke' or word that I get offended by. It is funny because Holly and I have had this conversation many many times. I can't stand the use of "the r word". I get highly offended by it. Don't know why though :)

[ollieholmes]

There is really only one 'joke' or word that I get offended by. It is funny because Holly and I have had this conversation many many times. I can't stand the use of "the r word". I get highly offended by it. Don't know why though :)

Same here.

[sean]

can't think what it is. without putting it out there does it sound like retired in a tardy way?

[Gymp]

I googled "the "r" word" and came up with this.

http://therword.org/

If I'm correct I don't like it either!

Gymp

[eng188]

I'm more sensitive to the "i" word: being called "inspirational" but seldom being given a reason that I am.

[sean]

Thanks Gymp, thought so, used to hear it in my younger days, can't say I've ever used it, always known it as ugly. Think I may have been teased with it as a kid, I used to play with a couple of kids, different school, big orange 'special bus'. We were called slowies. All kid stuff, again back in the 60's. Seems innocent enough, but looking back, as a sensitive kid, bullying and teasing had an enourmously bad affect on me through to adulthood. Pheww! glad I'm beyond all that. Love being older,wiser.

[Gymp]

The word that bothered me alot is Handicapped,don't know why but I've pretty much hated being referred to as a handicapped person.

Another thing that bugged me while growing up was something which happened in the doctors office.The doctor,my Mom and I would sit there and the doctor would ask my Mom questions about me.
Can he...does he...Will he...Hmmm,Hello Mr.Doctor,I'm here in the room too,why aren't you asking me?I hated being referred to in the third person while I was sitting there!

I'm hoping that's changed somewhat for the better over the years.

Gymp

[Barb]

That has changed. Most of the time Drs (especially in Children's Hospitals) talk to the kid first and ignore the parents :) It is funny because they ask Carter, can you? and he looks at me like, "well, should I answer them?".

[rachiebaby]

That has changed. Most of the time Drs (especially in Children's Hospitals) talk to the kid first and ignore the parents :) It is funny because they ask Carter, can you? and he looks at me like, "well, should I answer them?".

I used to have the same problem

[angel]

The problem I ran into espically when my son was a baby was people would ask my mom questions about my son. She would always point to me and say she is the mom. Of course after the first shocked look they would brush it off and talk to me.
This happened with one of the inturns thrusday when I took my son for his appointment. He walked in scoped out the room and he knew the nurse, he saw my son then turned to me and very hesitantly said, your mom? I just said yes then they ignored me and started talking to my son.
I know my child is over a foot taller than me and he is only 12 but I can't count the times my son has been referd to as my little brother. The lady at red lobster told him once if he didn't want his apple sauce maybe his sister would want it. My son replied OMG that is my mom!!!! Poor woman wanted to climb under the table. I felt sorry for her. It really embarassed her, creeped my son out but i thought it was funny, as did my husband and mother in law.

Angel

[nolda]

hiiiii
I am back. I had been on vacation and also for a innerhealing retrerat. When u all mentioned about the jokes effect on a disabled person. Let me tell u first that jokes do hurt deeply to the person. But it also depends on the persons disposition at that very moment, I mean if the person is in good mood well might taket it possitively or vice versa.

Let me tell u what happened after my return from the vacation. I had told my friends that I will be attending a retreat . Now as soon as I returned they r asking me what changes have happened with my daugher's condition. Now what do u think I should answer.:33a:

[Justy Me]

WOW I am glad to see all the input that has been put into this topic. I was curious because I know that different things are funny to different people. Just as everyone's sense of humor is not the same, so you never know. What is perfectly acceptable to one person may or may not be to someone else. I do agree that a person's disposition at the moment of the joke has a LOT to do with how it is received. I do not like the word Handicapped either. If someone tells me I am, I simply reply that I do not gamble have never played golf and do not bowl so having a handicap is something I know nothing about. They look at me completely stupified and I am left satisfied lol. So there ya go. In reference to what was being said about making fun of others (that its fair game) I may have done that to people, but never on a public page. It seems tacky and low-class to go that route. If you would feel bad about saying the joke to someone's face, that says something about it's appropriateness. That's my personal opinion....

[LisaJoy]

I do not like the word Handicapped either. If someone tells me I am, I simply reply that I do not gamble have never played golf and do not bowl so having a handicap is something I know nothing about. They look at me completely stupified and I am left satisfied lol.

LOVE this come-back! Must remember it.

[Justy Me]

Lisa! HEE HEE glad ya liked it. Feel free to use it as much as you like :) If only there were a camera on hand when I say it ---I tell you it's priceless!!

[Gymp]

LOVE this come-back! Must remember it.

^+ yeah ,I gotta remember it too!
Good one Justy :-)

Gymp

[Justy Me]

Thanks Gymp! Comical AND truthful, that kind of response just cannot go wrong :-p

[Emm]

I felt very sorry for a young man when I was in the supermarket doing my shopping. I always use the stores mobile scooter to go round and as I was trying to decide what type of baked beans to buy, I put my hand out to turn the tin to read it and this young man immediately dashed forward to pick it off the shelf for me. When I then put it back down on the shelf he went away apologisying profusely, I don't exactly know why he should feel like that which again is why it made me even more sorry for him! I always appreciate any help people give me.

As for the "joke" situation, I am very sensitive to any remarks made about the handicapped but I must confess only since I have been in that situation.
I am mostly very sensitive about my weight and on having some counselling for depression, some time ago, it was put to me " would I make remarks about someone else who was very large?" Unfortunately the answer was - Yes. I'm the first one to point out the deplorable state of another person if they are overweight! --- What does that say about me!:confused::6775:

[eng188]

I felt very sorry for a young man when I was in the supermarket doing my shopping. I always use the stores mobile scooter to go round and as I was trying to decide what type of baked beans to buy, I put my hand out to turn the tin to read it and this young man immediately dashed forward to pick it off the shelf for me. When I then put it back down on the shelf he went away apologisying profusely, I don't exactly know why he should feel like that which again is why it made me even more sorry for him! I always appreciate any help people give me.

:6775:

I've run into that a few times before. We need to be really careful in how we decline help, I guess, and I'm not as good as I could be with that. I really do appreciate when I'm treated with dignity, and don't mind being asked if I need help at all. When such a person asks, I try to reply with as much respect, and explain myself if necessary. But unfortunately, people do worry a bit much about offending with perfectly respectable behavior.

[Lifeisgood]

My pet peeve is when people don't offer up their seats for people with disabilities, elderly or pregnant women on public transport. I don't expect people to give seats up for me, because most people can't see that I have a disability, but when it is obvious that there is someone on the bus who needs a seat and no one moves...arghh! It makes my blood boil!